April 18, 2011
Well it’s time to put up or shut up all you sanctimonious liberal elites in Hollywood. A perfectly ripe opportunity is developing that will allow you to once again demonstrate how enlightened and sensitive you all are to the plight of the downtrodden. So come on down Susan Sarandon and bring your boy Tim with you. Step right up, Sean Penn, and drag George Clooney along. I know Matt Damon, Tom Hanks, and Janeane Garofalo will be first in line to get the ball rolling. And you all know what you need to do: Boycott the Cannes Film Festival!!
You see France continues to subjugate and discriminate in ways that must surely be offensive to your sensibilities. Why just today those wine-swilling, baguette-munching monsters stopped a trainload of Tunisian refugees at the border and refused them entry because after years of being overrun by Muslims who refuse to assimilate, they have finally figured out that “embracing other cultures” is harmful to the homeland—that their very own history and traditions stand to be subverted by foreigners who look to exploit rather than enculturate.
This outrageous atrocity at the border comes hard on the heels of the French law that forbids the wearing of burqas in public. Surely in the face of all this oppression and hate-mongering in the home of the Fleur de Lis, Johnny Depp will pull up stakes, and the Hollywood limousine liberals will shun the south of France and refuse their Palme d’Or’s. Or not.
I’m sure it’s not that hard to boycott Arizona when it commits crimes against humanity because who wants to hang out with the cactus, overbearing heat, and Mexican drug criminals anyway? But you’ll have to dig a little deeper to forsake the Riviera and its long, bloated list of five-star shops, restaurants, and beaches. You’ll really have to show some intestinal fortitude on this one, but I have faith. After all, far be it from the Hollywood royalty to think of themselves when there are freeloaders waiting at the trough.
It’s hard to feel sorry for the overwhelmed French people as they and the other European Union nations thought it would be warm and fuzzy to have a global community and now are suffering the consequences as they discover that fairy tales are just that. Alas, the stagecoach always turns back into a pumpkin, and now the French have to try and make pie; but at least they’re trying to regain their sovereignty, unlike the ignorant Hollywood types who live in the hills and Malibu while the little people are swarmed.