Only McCain Can Make Me Thank the Lord for Obama

August 3, 2010



I was watching John McCain blather last night during an interview with Greta Van Susteren and had to marvel at a particular distinction that the automaton holds that no other does…he is the ONLY person I would less rather see in the White House than the current disaster now occupying that residence. He drones and drones without providing any illumination beyond the bromides he’s heard from others and which he parrots in stultifying fashion. A bigger problem still is that he lies through his teeth, hardly maverick behavior in a Senatorial body shot through with liars.


McCain would have people believe that he has favored sealing Arizona’s borders all along, when in fact, during his presidential campaign, he pandered to Latino voters with promises of “comprehensive immigration reform”—code for allowing illegals to gain citizenship. He was opposed to building fences or fortifying the borders then, but now as public sentiment grows for SB 1070, he is castigating Obama for not doing enough to protect the borders.


McCain misses no opportunity to bash the chosen one on his economic policies as well, forever talking about how the president is “mortgaging our children’s futures” with the seemingly endless series of stimulus bills that have failed miserably. McCain is now trying to wash his hands of his massive role in the original TARP bill which propped up failing Wall Street crooks, and for which McCain famously interrupted his presidential campaign to support. At the time he proclaimed that he was returning to Washington to do the peoples’ work. What a tool!!


But his nattering about “mortgaging our children’s futures” does raise an interesting thought. Why should we care about our children’s futures? We’re talking about a generation of kids whose interest in the world doesn’t extend beyond Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga, and frankly they’re getting what they deserve. It was largely this generation of knuckleheads that put Obama and his attendant socialist policies in office because they thought it would be hip to have a black president. Now they’re the same ones marching on California college campuses, protesting tuition hikes because the well has run dry after years and years of policies not unlike Obama’s. As Reverend Wright would say, “The chickens have come home to roost.”

Sports Announcers, Like Their Hard News Brethren, Struggle With the Truth

August 2, 2010


When a witness testifies in a court of law he swears to tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” This is because jurists of yore realized long ago that telling partial truths can be, and often is, every bit as much a falsehood as telling a flat-out lie. Saying that someone shot at you without disclosing that you shot at him first may be technically true, but is certainly not the whole truth. This failure to disclose has become standard operating procedure in the world of sports broadcasting. In order to drive ratings, announcers whore the product to ludicrous and sickening lengths.


This weekend, while broadcasting the Greenbrier Classic of the PGA Tour, CBS’s Jim Nantz was the pimp. I used to consider Nantz an able broadcaster and thought of him favorably until a few years ago at the Masters when he told me that it was a lovely day at Augusta and so implored me to “watch with a loved one.” Such saccharine palaver has now become a Nantz staple and this weekend was no exception. Nantz spent so much time sucking on D.A. Points’ shaft it was a wonder this middling golfer was able to pull his clubs out of the bag.


Points flirted with shooting a 59 on Saturday, and the CBS coverage was over-the-top, to say the least. The cameras lingered on Points ad nauseum even after he bogeyed the seventeenth hole to end any hopes he may have had to fire the magical number. Points did his part by playing slower than Jim Furyk on Quaaludes and milking every moment with over-exaggerated gestures for the cameras. Still Nantz and his fellow panderers–including perennial prick turned affable announcer Nick Faldo–gushed about this historic moment. What they downplayed, like all the talking heads on sports talk shows who dared not ruin this special moment with the facts, is that par on the Greenbrier course is 70…not 72, not even 71, but 70!! Thus a 59 is only 11-under…excellent to be sure, but a far cry from the 59’s shot by Al Geiberger, Chip Beck, and David Duval on par-72 courses. Moreover, a 59 on this course, this week, was almost pedestrian. J.B. Holmes had come close earlier in the day by shooting a 60, and indeed, on Sunday, Stuart Appleby would win the tournament by shooting the hallowed 59 number. On short courses softened by rains, PGA Tour players are going to go low and Points’ run at 59 warranted about half the coverage it received.


Once Points was in the clubhouse, Nantz and the CBS team turned all its attentions to the winless Jeff Overton, finally showing a graphic titled “On a Run.” Overton’s “run” included a 2nd place finish, two 3rd place finishes and a missed cut in his last six events…he would eventually piss away a three-shot overnight lead…a budding Jack Nicklaus he. They also ignored Overton’s petulant behavior which included a loud “FUCK” after a mis-hit fairway wood and thrown clubs, transgressions that draw condemnation when performed by Tiger Woods, the ONLY current athlete that merits any gushing.


Unfortunately, Nantz isn’t the only offender. While watching a Detroit Tigers-Tampa Bay Rays game last week, the announcers (I’ve successfully forgotten their names) gushed about Miguel Cabrera’s ability and his chance to win the Triple Crown. Never mind that Cabrera was leading only one of the three categories necessary to win the award; the fact that he was at bat was enough for the announcers to wax poetic and show old videos of Carl Yastrzemski, baseball’s last Triple Crown winner. Why bother viewers with pesky facts when you can tailor the facts to fit your storyline??? Later in the broadcast these same buffoons rambled at length about the Hall of Fame prospects of Tiger centerfielder Johnny Damon. Damon, like all players of the era, has grossly inflated numbers due to the confluence of gutless, specialized pitchers, juiced baseballs, and juiced players, but the announcers ticked off Damon’s numbers like they have some relevance in this bastardized era in baseball’s storied history. So you understand, Johnny Damon is by NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stretch of the imagination a Hall of Famer, but the media machine has to keep the brain-dead, attention-challenged viewing public happy. Oh, by the way, Cabrera and Damon’s Tigers were no-hit that day.

Mosque of the Red Death

August 2, 2010



It would appear that the erection of a mosque—excuse me, a “community center”—near Ground Zero is all but a done deal, and don’t we all feel warm and fuzzy about how tolerant we are?? I understand the slippery slope in denying someone’s rights based on their religion, but I have to wonder when the United States is going to start playing to win. When a fundamental precept of your religion is to subjugate women and kill infidels—that is anyone who doesn’t agree with you—I’m not so sure you deserve protection under the law. And yes, I think all religions are for hypocrites and the feeble-minded, but why is it the United States that has to bend over backwards and capitulate EVERY time? It’s always we that have to demonstrate tolerance and sensitivity, while Muslims and their apologists aren’t expected to show any sensitivity to the families of the dead.


In the days after 9/11, there was a bunch of puffery about building a skyscraper 1776 feet in height to demonstrate that we wouldn’t let the terrorists win. Nine years later a mosque is to be built at the site where Muslim extremists killed thousands of Americans. This country is on the verge of politically correcting itself right out of existence; common sense has all but vanished. In another generation, we’ll all be speaking Arabic and Spanish, because let’s face it…immigrants no longer come to America to embrace us, but to exploit us.

Can’t Buy Me Love

June 8, 2010



I watched with bemusement last week as Paul McCartney, during his visit to our nation’s capital, made sarcastic remarks about George Bush’s intellect by implying he didn’t know what a library was. Now old “W” is no mental giant to be sure, but I don’t think Sir Paul should be throwing stones. He was recently fleeced of nearly $50 million by a one-legged, gold-digging tramp—who’s the genius now, Paul??


Take into further account that one of those in attendance at the former Beatle’s White House fete thinks our country comprises fifty-seven states, and I’m surprised anyone in the room could remember to breathe. The lesson: It takes one to know one, and washed-up bassists should stick to what they know.

Tiger in the Tank

February 19, 2010


Well, it finally happened. Tiger Woods went down the road of all sniveling cowards this morning when he delivered the “heartfelt” apology that the media has been demanding for the past three months. Up to this point, I, like many others, had been disappointed by the golf great’s marital indiscretions, but I had at least held out hope that Woods would have the courage to continue delivering his hearty middle-finger salute to the media jackals insisting on an apology that NO ONE, outside his family and friends, is entitled to.


That Tiger would lower himself with such a charade is my biggest letdown of this entire tawdry affair. The man whose trademark has always been a confident swagger looked every bit like Sylvester Stallone trying to emote as he faked his way through the orchestrated dog and pony show with all the robotic sincerity of the Manchurian Candidate. Tiger spoke of core beliefs and spiritual awakenings, but there was plenty of time for soul-searching in the three-plus years that he was crossing the globe porking anyone that could fog a mirror. If you believe one of the dime-store sluts he was hooking up with, Woods was slipping the Jimmy to her while his wife was delivering one of their children. Seems like that may have been a good time to rethink his ways, but alas, it appears family wasn’t that important until endorsement contracts started drying up.


Tiger has more money than he will ever know what to do with, and if privacy and family were really his primary concern, he would have continued his silence and eventually returned to the golf course, sans sponsorship, and with the insistence that he would speak to the media only of golf. This morning’s statement looks like nothing more than a desperate act to recapture his adoring corporate sponsors, and for what? I, for one, thought he would at least announce when he would be making a return to golf, but absent that, what was the point? If he thinks the relentless media assault will be any less severe after today, he’s not as smart as we’ve all been giving him credit for. Until he answers questions outside of his controlled cocoon, the media savages will tear him limb to limb, and if, as many say, he is fulfilling some part of a “twelve-step program,” is this not the most insincere manner of doing so? Would it not be more appropriate to meet face-to-face with those he’s hurt and apologize from the heart?


Those who insist that Woods let down his sponsors and fans need to grow up and look in the mirror. A vast majority of the pious hypocrites calling for his hide have committed similar, if not worse, violations of their own marriages, and the argument that Woods marketed himself as a family man while reaping mega-contracts is only valid if we subject everyone to the same standard. Charlie Sheen and serial philanderer Michael Jordan appear in ads together selling underwear, even as Sheen appears in the tabloids seemingly every week for a sundry list of indiscretions including drug and alcohol abuse, and domestic violence, but I have yet to see anyone hold his feet to the fire. The list of bad people shilling products is endless, and it’s utterly despicable that some are holding Tiger to a higher standard than politicians who rape and pillage their constituency, teachers who sleep with their students, and priest who molest little boys.


Tiger committed no crimes (other than a speculative drunk-driving violation on Thanksgiving night), and owes nothing to the Pollyanas who still believe in Santa Claus or the media whores who spent the day gleefully ranking celebrity apologies and fretting that Woods hadn’t debased himself quite enough for their liking. Gloria Allred tried to cash in on the debacle by staging her own press conference this afternoon with her client– a weepy porn star, who insisted she was in love with Woods and was owed an apology–trouble is, I couldn’t tell which one was the whore.


I have always been a Tiger Woods fan, and I won’t pretend that I’m not going to watch him play when he returns, because despite his failings, he is simply beautiful to watch on a golf course. I only wish that he confined his entertainment value to that venue, and not slipped into the reality show miasma of the “celebrity apology.”

Dan Dierdorf Needs To Stuff It!

January 16, 2010




Well I have now seen it all. CBS’ Dan Dierdorf managed to announce the entire Colts/Ravens playoff game with a curious, but severe handicap…he spent the entire night with not one, but two penises stuffed in his mouth. Peyton Manning and Jim Caldwell should be well satisfied with their sacks fully drained as the former Hall of Fame lineman Dierdorf fellated both men with gusto continuously throughout the broadcast.


I’m not even certain Dierdorf watched the same game I did. He gushed and gushed and gushed again about how fresh the Colts looked in a feeble defense of head coach Caldwell’s gutless decision to lie down three weeks ago against the Jets, thereby forfeiting a wonderful opportunity to grab an undefeated season. Never mind that the Colts looked anything but dominant in squeaking out a win in a game that was much closer than the 20-3 score would indicate. Let there be no mistake; the Colts didn’t win this game, the Ravens lost it.


The “fresh” Colts averaged 1.7 yards on 25 carries, and their passing offense dinked and dunked all night, while the Ravens moved the ball on the ground at a 4.6 yard per carry clip and dominated both sides of the line of scrimmage. Manning was NOT sharp, missing receivers all night and being bailed out of two interceptions by an Ed Reed fumble, and an interference call (it’s the playoffs and Manning gets all the calls since he whined like a little bitch several years ago when the Patriots kicked his ass in Foxboro).


Were it not for the Ravens’ numerous penalties, fumbles, and dropped passes (and some wretched coaching from John Harbaugh just before the half), they cakewalk to a win. I understand that’s all part of the game, but to hear Dierdorf tell it, Caldwell single-handedly brought home the bacon by interrupting his menstrual cycle long enough to bring his team off the field against the Jets.


Then, once the game was over, Dierdorf finally guzzled down Caldwell’s load by intoning that the issue of the Colts quitting against the Jets was in the past and that Caldwell was vindicated. Dierdorf clearly doesn’t understand that there are two more wins to be had if Caldwell’s Colts want real vindication. And oh, by the way, Dan…the Colts could be 17-0 right now, on their way to perfection, and giving you abundant opportunity to pontificate further about the gutless one. Come to think of it…maybe Caldwell did us all a favor.

A-Rod the Nimrod

March 22, 2009


If you need the perfect example of unbridled hubris all you need to do is look at the cover of the most recent Details magazine. There you’ll see, in all his glory, Alex Rodriguez, the choke-artist third baseman for the Yankees, with his sleeves rolled up to reveal his steroid-enhanced, over-inflated biceps.


It would take a greater mind than mine to guess which is bigger, his arms or his ego. This, I suppose, is what passes for contrition in the world of baseball, where everyone lies until they’re busted, and players like Rodriguez, who come up small when it matters most, have a sense of entitlement to rival members of Congress. But A-Rod, who has always been faint of heart, be it with two runners on in the ninth, or while witnessing the birth of his child, has the balls to grace the Details cover–a mere month after being exposed for steroid use–thoroughly unashamed that the big numbers he has posted (albeit very few in post-season) came from a jar. Shame is clearly no consideration for a great guy who would dump his wife for a strumpet like Madonna.


But birds of a feather flock together, so the juicer and the lip-syncher should make beautiful music together. Rodriguez has always been hyper-sensitive to criticism, but this will be one year where he can’t claim he doesn’t like being needled.

The Good Ship Obama



March 21, 2009


As if his scattershot and wholly ineffective handling of the economy wasn’t bad enough, the Messiah is being dealt some cold reality in international relations as well these days.

In a video directed to Iranian leaders, distributed to Iranian news outlets, and posted on the White House website, President Chamberlain….err…President Obama declared, “My administration is now committed to diplomacy that addresses the full range of issues before us.” On the Good Ship Obama, everything can be settled with chummy talk and a game of hoops.


But Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei responded with a hearty middle-finger salute during a speech in Mashhad while the crowd chanted, “Death to America.” It turns out Obama’s Muslim brethren aren’t so reasonable and misunderstood after all.


“He (Obama) insulted the Islamic Republic of Iran from the first day. If you are right that change has come, where is that change? What is the sign of that change? Make it clear for us what has changed,” Khameini said as he called for the United States to give up “unconditional support” for Israel and quit making claims that Iran is developing nuclear arms.


This presidential brush-off comes on the heels of Obama’s announcement that the U.S. hasn’t done a good job deciding who should be released from Guantanamo, the base our celebrity president vowed to close within one year with the explanation that it has been an “advertisement for anti-American sentiment.” Obama admitted that some of the prisoners released from the holding center have rejoined terrorist groups. With Russian President Vladimir Putin rattling his sabers as well, Obama is going to have a lot on his plate, and now we’ll see if he can handle things any better than his predecessor whom everyone so reviled.


George Bush was a detestable, crooked, and absolutely horrible president, but I always had to laugh at the presumption that his being president is why the world hated us. The world hates us because they can’t be us, and Obama and his pie-in-the-sky followers have still to learn that no amount of sweet talk is going to change that.


“Speak softly and carry a big stick,” Theodore Roosevelt once said. Let’s hope that message gets through to the Messiah and his Kumbaya-singing acolytes.

Senator from Connecticut is Microcosm of Congress–DODDering Old Fools

March 18, 2009



The ink was barely dry on my posting from this morning when the silver-haired old whore from Connecticut I had taken to task retreated from his sanctimonious position about AIG bonuses, and did a 180 degree turnabout. After spending all day Tuesday blustering feigned outrage at AIG, Christopher Dodd reversed course today and admitted that he not only was complicit in the bonus shenanigans, but was actually responsible for the language attached to the federal stimulus bill which allowed the incompetents at AIG to gorge at the public trough.


I honestly don’t understand where these vipers get the stones to show their faces. They have absolutely NO SHAME!!! Most people when caught in a lie at least have a smattering of contrition and the good sense to lay low for a while. But Dodd has been lying, cheating, and stealing for so long, he simply doesn’t possess any mechanism within him for turning off the switch.


My question is…when are we going to tell the pious members of our beloved Congress that they shouldn’t be accepting their salaries for their mind-blowing ineptitude? It’s one thing to be useless, we expect that from those self-serving clowns. But at the very least our Congressmen should heed the basic tenet of medicine that says, “First, do no harm.”

Sadly, that ship has already sailed, and only the rich and privileged have life jackets.

Obama is Too Big To Fail



March 19, 2009


Is the honeymoon over yet? Can we all finally admit that a mere two months into his term, Barack’s administration is every bit as conniving, irresponsible, deceitful, shameless, arrogant, greedy, devious, carnivorous, treacherous, and calculating as George Bush’s ever was?


The entire country is crumbling from within, and Obama’s team members are busy covering their tails about the ever-growing AIG scandal as they’ve all been exposed as liars, even as they continue to dole out our money to select pork projects and friends on Wall Street. If the phrase hadn’t been outlawed, we could have them labeled as “enemy combatants”?


So much for change.


We are on the verge of real revolution here, folks. People are furious, and sweeping reforms need to be made, and where is the Messiah through all this chaos? He’s filling out his NCAA hoops bracket on ESPN and cracking wise with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show. This man is a serious egomaniac and all you Obama voters were had. His ascendancy to the presidency was built on an everyman’s appeal that soon morphed into hero worship, and was sped along by a fawning media that refused to ask the tough questions and failed to understand that a lawyer raised in Chicago politics could in no possible way be honest.


But what is alarming is how much this guy loves himself. Watching him on Leno was terrifying. I firmly believe his only desire for the presidency was rooted in self-gratification and his need for attention and adulation. He has no interest in the people beyond how much they’ll genuflect at his feet. Not that this is unusual for politicians, but it’s telling that whenever someone asks him what it’s like to be president, he immediately mentions the perks. On Leno, he talked about how cool it was to wear his jacket with the presidential logo on Air Force One. Virtually every time I see him speak, he mentions the Secret Service, so we all know how important he is. We are, after all, talking about a man so impressed with himself that he wrote two autobiographies by the age of forty-five when no one had heard of him save the handful of politically aware Americans that watched his keynote address at the 2004 Democratic convention.


This guy would be an empty suit if it weren’t for his puffed chest, but everyone is still enthralled. The media is his biggest enabler. Last night on the Hannity show, Phil Donahue gushed that, “His smile could save us all.” Even Obama’s wife is getting in on the act. Two weeks ago CNN’s Jack Cafferty wrote on the CNN website, “I think I am developing a crush on America’s First Lady. Michelle Obama is more compelling than her husband. He’s good, but she’s utterly fascinating.” And, of course, we all remember Chris Matthews’ man-crush on the Messiah when upon hearing an Obama speech he spurted, “I felt this thrill going up my leg.”


Well it’s time for the pretty boy to roll up his sleeves and get to work instead of gallivanting across the countryside having his ass kissed. Taxpayer money is flying out of the vault while Congress berates Wall Street executives for legislation that Congress passed, and Barack is turning a blind eye to all the corruption among his crew. Remember when bills were going to be put online for five days before being voted on, so the American people could have a look at them? That promise, like all the others, went the way of the horse and buggy once the Messiah secured his fiefdom.


This man is dangerous, but the American media won’t take him to task. They have too much invested. And Obama is too big to fail.